Desire an act of surrender

Desires we all have them, small or big. The mere thought of fulfilling a desire makes us expand immediately. However when a desire turns into a craving, the misery begins. Something that was once a miracle just by the idea, then immediately becomes an attachment.

Where do you stand on the scale of desire and longing?

Transcript

Nathalie: 
So welcome. Today, me and Anouk are going to talk about desire. And desire is something that Anouk knows very well. So I asked the spirit, because you were thinking about desire or surrender as, as topics to introduce for today. And then I asked the spirit and they said, desire. I said, okay, that's good.

But for me, desire is something, that is less, uh, A smaller part in my life, but it has to do with how my life, developed over the years. Not that I, that, I overgrew desire, but more that the things I desired never happened. Yeah. And that made me choose a different path. And now I'm fine with it, and the interesting thing is now that desires are coming back, but in a different way.

And before there were more desires connected to this world, finding a partner, having children. I don't know. buying a house, just more material stuff. And I believe that for me, that were not the desires that needed to be fulfilled in a way, but not the way I looked at them when I was younger. And, now desires are, different.

They are more desires that have to do with expansion and a lot of desires have to do with attachment, with wanting something, needing something. And that there for me it changed and um, but there's nothing wrong with a desire. To want something, to do something, it only goes a different way when we want it, , and in a way hurt other people by it.

And that is what you see often in this world, the desire, it can be in, in a lot of things, the desire to want a partner that is already somebody elses, for example, or, wanting everyone to believe in the same religion, you know, is also a desire. Because what it is giving this person this feeling of enlightenment of this feeling of community because religion most of the times gives a feeling of community and belonging can be in desire that can become so big that you want everyone to be the same in a way and then it becomes something else because desires are in a way very close to the heart.

So I have a lot of women coming to me and some want children. It's a whole different thing. And others feel the longing, a true longing, a true desire. That's the one from the heart. With the others, it's part of their lives. And even that it is a part of their lives and it should be in their lives, it's a different thing.

Their desires are on other places. But with others, that desire to have a child in this world is the biggest thing. And most of the time the spirits grant this woman a child because they came, uh, it's a difficult one. They came in the world with this enormous desire and for some it is the lesson they need to learn that even if it's not fulfilled, that there's still a lot to live for.

And for others, the desire is to totally surrender to being present for another person. So they're intertwined again, also have desire and surrender. So we are allowed to have the desire and to let it unfold inside ourselves. But if we try to do everything to get the desire, it goes a different way.

It's not from the heart anymore. 

Anouk: 
So in a way you need to surrender your desire, otherwise it becomes a bit toxic if you start wanting things. Yeah. Yeah. And, um, I, I was also triggered, uh, about the words you said that desire, I also thought about desire and longing and longing in itself has a long, so there's a distance in it.

And you said for yourself, , I don't desire, I need, I feel expansion. And I, I thought, Oh, it's so nice that longing feels almost like a narrow line that you're longing something in the distance, whereas you in a way let go of desire felt expansion, which is more from within. Yeah. So I thought your word was so nicely put.

Nathalie: 
Yeah. Yeah. And with longing, then it becomes toxic. In a way. Yes. Yeah, and with desire, and let the desire be, and if it's going to be happening in your life, then it will happen, but this, this true desire may exist, and not that you don't do anything for it to get to this desire, um, but when you start longing.

You start hurting. Why is it not happening? And moving away from yourself in a way. Yeah, you're moving into a future you want for yourself, but you don't know if this is what needs to be in your future. And even that you're allowed the longing, you will find out if it is granted to you. And that's why you need this surrender, but with longing becomes attachment and with attachment becomes pain. And hurt and, misunderstanding and, 

Sense of loss, they say, of identity. You will start to lose identity the more you start longing because all your energy is moving to, this what needs to happen in your life. 

Anouk: 
And you don't even know that that's meant to be. So you're restricting yourself. 

Nathalie: Yeah. So actually you're making yourself smaller. That's why I say like, when you have feel the longing and you feel this and you think, Oh, this would be amazing if that would be in my life. Even when you just say that. Just the deepest longing you have for all of you, just feel this deep longing and you feel this longing and you say, that would be amazing for a second it's true and you feel it.

Yes. So the heart expands. That's why I say it is expansion , and you're allowed to do that more times, it's a wow, it's truly be amazing. If that would be in my life and the moment you do, you take it into the present. And perhaps it will never develop like that. But it was true for a second.

Anouk: 
Again, your hands are so illustrative. Yeah. So you can long from close to your heart and then it's okay. And you have this feeling of expansion. But if you start longing and already something away from yourself in the distance, then you start hurting yourself and hurting. 

Nathalie: 
So for all of you take time to feel your deepest desires, your deepest desires. Yeah. Your deepest desires. And feel how that would be, if it would be true. And then you will find out if this is what you want. Because if you don't have this feeling how, wow, how amazing it would be, it's not a desire. It's not a true desire.

Anouk: 
It's a nice exercise. 

Nathalie: 
Yeah. It's not a true desire because then it's a thought of thing and that's what, that's why I took this example of children that some say want children in their life because it is something that is in a way normal. This is something you do and others have this true desire. This true desire and it is,, if it would not happen in their life, they will get over it. But it will such, it's so painful because a part of them could not come into existence. So this is what desire truly is. It's actually a part of you that is brought into the outside world 

and that can be like finding a partner and get into the we consciousness together or in the Yannantin in the, in this bubble. But it can also be with yourself, a desire to, uh, to love your plants in your home for example, or to connect with them or to take care of them. And desires can be very small also just.

Doing nothing can be a true desire and in the nothingness aah you touch the world So could you also say that desire in a way is the inner voice become more you, or

Yeah, and with true desires, true desires from the heart that give you this expansion, actually you take things, yeah, how they show it to me is like you have those pieces behind you that are ready to being activated and pushed into the world. But the desire is the one that lights them up. You have this treasure box and everything is dull.

Black and gray and then, you know, you feel this one is lighting up and this is the same in a way. It's behind you. This is how I feel it. So I put my hand over my shoulder. It's, behind you. And, when this desire come once light one lights up, and then you will see that if this is what you're supposed to do in this life will come forward.

Nathalie: 
And things start to unfold. And sometimes people can have very hard lives with very difficult things happening. And you think maybe they are doing something wrong, huh? Or maybe they were really awful in their former lives. Yeah, it could be a possibility. But I was thinking about that the other day and I thought, I don't believe that.

It's always, even with hard times, you collect more of yourself every time. Every time you collect more, every time a new piece lights up and the harder the life is, the more light can be brought into the world because you start to, yeah, conquer. I was looking for the word, conquer, the limitations of your mind, the limitations of the world that has been imposed upon you.

And you. you realize that you will always be you, no matter what. And for me, the true desire was to find me. Yeah. And whatever happened, happened in life and I enjoy it or I hate it or, those things. But the true desire was to get more and more, into myself. I once had a friend and she did, a reading, what's opleiding in English?

Course. Course, reading course. And then she, she read my, for example, and she says, really interesting because when I do that with other people's, they imagine a big car, but the only thing you show me, she said, is you being in the top of your head, just shining. And, We are not friends anymore. Sadly, but true. But it happens. We, went different ways in life, but she was really, uh, yeah, really loved her as a friend. But we went other ways with this is also good. Sometimes it just happens. And you never know when someone comes back or not, but you always have this memories of someone.

And, um, and this is true. This is my longing. And I don't know how How it affects the world. Well, I do know how it affects the world, but, for that, if I would have the longings of children and the partner, then perhaps I would have come there, over time. But in a way, I'm glad it did not happen.

Because this was my longing and even that life could be very harsh and difficult. I find more and more inside myself. That's why I talk about desire for me is expansion and, uh, and I do it this way and some others do it by finding a partner, having a child, doing their work. So it is not wrong. It's just different, but it is.

Desire is, a moment of true expansion. The true desire is a moment of being in the beingness. This is the feeling you have. You feel like you, you can overcome everything in life. So desire is a too small word because when we talk about desire, most of the times it has a negative connotation because desire is connecting to longingness.

But desire, is opening up to the world. 

Anouk: 
Desire is almost like the energy behind things. It's almost like life energy or? 

Nathalie: 
Well, when we get to our true desires, then the heart is activated, so the energy will start flowing more and more. And the funniest thing is because I was just, my back was a little bit rounded, and then when I was saying this, I put my hand on my heart and I just lengthed my spine.

This is what it does when you feel this true desire. 

Anouk: 
Yeah, it also is an empowering feeling in a way you also said you need desire also to conquer. Yeah. So desire helps you in a way to overcome boundaries and, and it can be negative boundaries with the whole me too. 

Nathalie: 
Yeah. Yeah. But also those things that is a longing to be seen is a longing is a longing is not a desire. It's a longing to be seen. It's a longing to be acknowledged. Which is not wrong. If we would go back and feel the desire, what is truly needed is, The feeling of being equal and we are, we are and the moment we start believing that equality is what we in nature are, everything, all the, excuse my word, but all the shit we have in this world. would cease to exist in an instant because it had always to do with not feeling equal, or feeling superior, those things. But when you think you are superior, you are actually very insecure. You need to make yourself bigger. Then another person desire for power, desire for power and true power is the one without pushing because power, we talk about power is always negative, but power is also a life force.

The desire to live this life is power. It is a powerful energy. You're powered up actually to, take a step forward or just to, to let the desire be in the world and. Yeah, do nothing about it, but just even that you put it into existence in your own world, you need the power to be, honest.

I thought, I asked the spirits, do we need to say more about desire? And he said, you are allowed to have your desires. So, well, thank you. It is very kind. And we are because with this, that their input is some , is in a way different because desire is something that is in this world. They know in a way desire the connection with the heart, but desire to wanting a new car or, a new dress or whatever is more of this world.

And I like it that they say that you allowed to have your desires because we came in this world also to experience this, how it would be, to be a woman, to be a man or to be whomever you want to be nowadays. 

Anouk: 
Yeah, there can be shame in your desires. It's quite vulnerable to stand up for your desires because people might judge you also become visible in your desires. And that's also why I like the word honesty in a way, how to be honest about your desire. 

Nathalie: 
Most people have that shame about their desires, but if it's one that is truly from the heart, then you never should be ashamed of it. Even when you desire that the other person would love you for who you are. It's not wrong, even if it's not working out, it's not wrong. You are allowed to have this desire to be loved. In the end it's all about loving yourself, of course, but , you are allowed to have this desire to, to share your life with someone else.

To not only have important moments that you experience yourself, but that you have someone to talk about it or that you experience it together. You are allowed to have those desires. We don't all have to climb the mountain and sit there in peace and be , in unity in the beingness all the time.

No, you came here to feel how it is, to feel the desire, but also to feel when it's not fulfilled, because it also teaches you something painful and sad, but afterwards you will understand.

So yeah, 

Anouk: 
it's a fine line, the desire. 

Nathalie: 
It is. 

Anouk: 
You will say even if your desire isn't fulfilled, it can be painful. But you will understand can you elaborate on what is it that you then understand if your desire isn't fulfilled.

Nathalie: 
Yeah, actually there's beauty in not feeling this fulfillment. You have this great desire, you expand it, it was true, you wanted it.

So this expansion you already felt, so this is the teaching. The expansion is the teaching, not the wanting in this case.

Anouk: 
I think that's the word we need instead. Longing is still, has a positive connotation, but wanting is more than negative with the gripping. Yeah.

Nathalie: 
Yeah, but longing and longing and wanting are very close and very close. So this, then this expansion happens and it was already true. And what's actually is being thought to you at that moment is that being connected with your desires makes you who you are. Makes you this, this beautiful being. And then the sadness comes because it was not fulfilled.

But you have that song, I think it's from Cohen, he said, the cracks where the light comes out. Comes in. Comes in. Yes. Uh, for me it's always where the light comes out. It's interesting. Yeah. Because this is, this also with the arms, I put them aside because the expansion comes and expansion for me comes from the chest bone.

There it opens up. It opens up. Spreading your wings. Spreading your wings. Spreading your light. And when you, let this desire be, then the expansion comes. And even when it's not fulfilled, the teaching is actually, can you be in this space? Can you hold it? Because this is actually, where you need to be.

But most of the time, then the personality comes and the sadness, why isn't it not happening in my life? And I don't understand and, and that will be for a time. And then after a while, you go up the mountain again and you understand that. Even this longing made you feel the world just by thinking about it.

This is the true teaching. The, now it is longing, but this longing, this desire, this growing, this expansion. Made you ride the wave, the top of the wave, not underneath, but the top of the wave. I need to think about a friend of us. Yeah. Top of the wave. I see her do it. And, yeah, this is what life is about.

Let the desire be. And with that, expand more and more. And feel the zest of life, they always say, because with desire, longing, expansion, you feel alive, truly alive. And everything becomes possible. So then when the desire is not fulfilled, but the feeling of expansion is, how do they say that?

Well, the feeling of expansion is actually a reassurance, they say, that there is something else that is coming towards you and this was the way you needed to go.

Next time, we will dedicate our episode to the questions you have sent us in the last couple of months. There were a lot of questions, so later on we will do another episode for just the questions. We talked about what is love, how can I integrate spirituality in my daily life, and ways to find the way back to our heart when things have happened in our lives, and we don't know how to deal with them.