So welcome. Today, Jose and I gonna talk about kindness of the heart. So what would be a true act of kindness? I believe a true act of kindness is without cognition is something we just do before our thought catches along, you know? And it was funny because I went to the toilet, and then I got this memory, and I had to think about an episode of Friends. I love friends because, you know, in a way, you understand the way they treat each other. You know that from your own friends, you know? American Tiffisha yeah, yeah, most people, I guess most people know, but maybe not from other generations, but most people know. And then you had Phoebe, and she wanted to do an altruistic deed. So this whole episode was about that. And every time that she thought she did one, then Ross came and said no, because this and that, she was totally upset about it, you know.
So I was thinking about that and say, the kindness of the heart is, we respond on something we see. And then I believe it can be an altruistic deed because the first impulse is without a thought. So kindness of the heart comes into our lives, is when we are touched about the things that happen around us. And most people say, I want to do something about it, then it becomes something else. So the other day I went to a store, and I saw a mother with her son, and this son had down syndrome. I don't like the word because I always say, like, there are people with hard consciousness. They are ahead of us. We would wish we could feel like that.
Really, truly. They have such an open heart. And he said something, and he was like to him. And then I walked by, and I love to sing, and I know how I didn't think about it. I just started singing. And then when I passed by, he turned his head a little bit, and I saw how much he enjoyed it. Because when a sound can touch the heart, you know, when someone sings or makes music or when we hear waves, you know it's the same. Or when we hear rain, our hearts get touched.
And I saw he enjoyed it, he just became the music for a moment. It was not something I thought of, it was something that happened. So these are the true kindness of the heart, not wanting to do something for someone, but just moving about in life and let it happen, let it happen. Instead of I need to treat people better or I need to do this, because when we do that, we also put ourselves in a cage and all the kindness that we have inside us just disappear. Kindness moves around freely when we move around freely, when we unlock the cage that we believe we are in, then the kindness can pour out. So what would be kindness of the heart for you?
Yeah, well, I think you describe it in a, in a pretty good way. I find kindness pretty normal to be honest, which you shall respect or help people, whether it's in street, unknown people or friends.
For you, it's something that is part of who you are. So for I know you, when someone comes in need to, you don't even think about it, you just do. Yeah, you do.
Or at least you try.
Yeah, you feel them, you feel their pain or you see their sorrow or stuff like that and you just start helping them. This is what I know about you. The reason why I wanted to do this with you, this podcast, is because I know who you are. Thank you, you're very kind. And you can understand a lot of things in life which has to do with where you come from. So I believe kindness is also something that is genuine, a part of who we are. But some people had a hard life or had difficult things happening to them. And there's always, there are two roads they will follow or they become very egocentric and the whole world needs to go and they become the most important person in this life or the other side, other road is that they understand where the pain of others and there the kindness comes.
Not to make their past less difficult or shove it under the ground, but you understand. So kindness has a lot of to do with understanding.
But is maybe kindness of the heart or how we describe it, is it in fact not in everybody, but as you say, maybe also depending on where you go, what is your background, what is your environment?
Yeah, because I like to believe that.
Maybe even when, for example when you had a difficult life or a criminal life or that still that part can be inside of that person, well, you.
Have this, I don't know what it's called, the work. I believe it's from Byron Katy. But there was a movie or documentary that was made about the work and prisons in America. And they went to one of the prisons where they never get out, those people, they have so many years that they will die in prison, and then once a year, they go into this facility and they do the work. And there was one man, and he was called dark cloud, and he became. They were doing a round and they were telling their stories, and he started talking about his past and about his father, and he became so angry, so angry. And he became, like, wild, you know, and they just all just grabbed him and hold him, hold him, and he was furious, one guy, and there was like five or seven just holding him. And then he broke and he fell to the floor, started crying.
So this was also an act of kindness, holding this man to just feel all this anger that he would break and then he would release. And actually, very beautiful documentary about that. They, later on, they understand that most of them had different backgrounds, but in the same. Actually the same background, and they understand where they came from. Most of them, of the place where they are now, would never do that again, but they took the wrong path.
So, in fact, you do say that it's in every human being.
Well, sometimes, but it's very rare people are born without that. You have empathy for others. They don't feel that. They just don't have that certain. Their brain is differently wired. They miss certain things, in a way. And they are called the psychopaths, for example. And so those are born, but that's very rare.
Like, 99% of the people are like you and me. We know these traits, but depending on where you grow up and the support you have in your life, it's more present than with others, for example. But even if you grow up in a very hard environment, and sometimes it's such a strong quality in someone that they still are kind people. It was interesting, I went to a part of Amsterdam where you would say that people with less money live, you know, they have less material stuff, and. And I saw a lot of acts of kindness there. Just people helping each other without wanting something back.
I think that's also very often like that, that people who have less are more helpful to each other or show more empathy, or even can share better than people that are rich in this country.
Yeah, I believe in all countries, it's the same. Yeah, yeah. They get addicted to the money they have. They create, in the end, their own prison. This is something big because you always want to have more of it, huh? There's never enough, you know, that's why? I say people get addicted to it.
But it goes to want more kindness of the heart.
Yeah. To want more kindness. So kindness kind is the creator of life. Kindness is something that makes the other blossom. Sometimes you, it can be very small. You see someone and, and even it's a material thing. You say, oh, I love your dress. Then this person just lights up.
Yeah. It can just be compliment.
Just a compliment is also act of kindness. What you actually do with being kind is that you tell to the other person, I see you, and sometimes you cannot solve it, but even that you try, you give the person recognition, and that makes a whole different world. So an act of kindness has nothing to do with giving everything you have. It has to do with, I see you, I see where you are. But actually the heart sees, not the eyes, because the heart is the one that does the act of kindness is the one that is reaching out to the other. And then the eyes see the person. How could we be more kind in our lives? Is it something that we can develop or is it something that just comes along when life shows, like the good and the bad? In a way, I don't think we can practice kindness.
Well, then it's, of course, different kindness than we started because then we think about it.
Exactly. We practice it.
Yeah. And I think most people do it like that. They say, I'm going to be very kind today. I'm going to be, you know, if I meet a relative or say, this time I'm going to be very kind to this relative, which I think is.
Also a good positive move.
It is a good positive move, but it's a very thought of one. You could also say, like, let's see what happens today. It's more open and you're more kind to yourself because if there's a relative or someone that you find difficult and you say, okay, I'm going to be very kind, you put yourself in the cage, you say, let's see what happens today. I'm going to be kind to myself. When you're kind to yourself, you're going to be more kind to others and kind to yourself sometimes mean just to move out of a situation because it is not helping you at this time. There will be another time that perhaps you can stay there and stay with yourself and be kind. So kindness of the heart has also to do with kindness towards yourself, making feeling what makes you grow.
So how would you explain then that people, what we just actually mentioned, people who have less, are showing more empathy, more kinder to each other, while still there are difficult situations or maybe most are not so kind for themselves. What is your explanation for that?
They understand their pain. They understand the pain of others and even that they are not that kind to themselves. They feel it and by giving it to another, in a way, well, then becomes not altruistic anywhere, but it doesn't matter. But in a way it also comes back. You know, they cannot see the pain and they want to do something about it, but it's not from the heart. The heart sees it and they know what a person needs at that moment because they have been there. And when you have been in certain situations, then you just know what the other need. And when you have less, then you also have less worries.
Even if you know, life is difficult in a way, you are more free. Yeah, I found that very interesting when I was in Thailand many years ago. You have all those Buddhists living on the streets and the people just walking by and then they see them and like Buddhists, someone gives them food, you know, this is how they survive. And someone comes along and just give them food and it's just a normal thing in their society. They share and they give the food. And then the Buddhists see the dog and the dog is hungry too, so he gets also a piece. You know, it's not only kindness towards people, but it's kindness to that everything that is alive and it's something that comes from inside yourself. It's not something that we need to practice.
It is something that has been hidden. We are afraid to be vulnerable in this world. And an act of kindness makes us vulnerable in a way. We believe that when we are vulnerable that other people can hurt us in a way.
That's why I don't understand. Why would you be vulnerable when you.
Guys, you show yourself to the other in your truest form? Because when I see you truly see you and do an act of kindness, you see me and others also see you. You become visible. And even that we are. Some people are used to showing themselves and others just hiding away like we did for a long time. Me including also has to do with, you know, like when we show ourselves, people can think something of us can act in a certain way. So when we are truly kind, we behave in a way that. How would they say that when we are truly kind, we become naked. So that makes us vulnerable because we are present.
We show everything we are when we are kind. And, you know, like, when people talk about vulnerability is a quality that you should never show stuff like that, you know, so we are thought as children that you should not show yourself like that, because when you do, people will do something to you or they think something of you. So this can be very deep inside ourselves, and we don't want to be shamed or ridiculed or stuff like that. And that makes that we start hiding or we blow ourselves up like balloons, because some people do that and others just hide in a closet and sometimes open the door just to let in some light. And we all do this in different situations. So kindness of the heart and love are very connected to each other, because when we feel love, we are more kind. So when we had hardships in our lives and we took the right path, for example, that's the one that you feel like, they did it to me. Why is it always happening to me? Then you get off the track and you lose the connection with the love inside you.
We need the love inside ourselves to feel kind, to be kind towards ourselves and from there to others. But when we, you know, like, I don't know if you have that. I can sometimes just sit and I say, ah, I feel so much love. And I don't know why, but I just do and say, oh, my God, I feel so much love. I love everything like that. And even that. Just saying that sentence is an act of kindness, because this love you share with the world and you touch everyone you meet. But it begins inside you.
It begins inside you. Kindness of the heart is actually the one that evolves in a way when you start loving yourself more and more, and not for who you are in the work sense or in another way, but for the soul that has entered this body, that wants to experience this life, that wants to be touched, that wants to feel pain and wants to feel joy. Everything wants to be kind, and sometimes also wants to know how it feels to be mean, to make a choice. Which path do I want to walk? Which path do I want to follow? And it doesn't matter where we end up in life, we can have done thousands of what we would say horrible things from one moment to the next. Everything can change. So an act of kindness of someone else can be the seed of kindness in another.
Next time, Jose and I will talk about the mirror, about the people we meet in our lives actually being our greatest teacher. And the mirror also holds something else for me. Have you ever given yourself the time to gaze upon into your own eyes, looking into the mirror and just see what happens? But more about that in our next episode.